When 'Doing More' Did The Opposite. Hint: It Made Everything Worse

Before the social media marketing business began, I'd gone on a retreat overseas. I was desperate to feel like myself again, hoping that by getting out of my environment, I would break a cycle and bring some clarity.

At this time, I was also kind of seeing someone. I say "kind of" because it was very much a situationship. The kind where you keep hoping it'll turn into something and it really doesn't (in fact it gets worse lol). I genuinely thought that would be the missing piece. I told myself: ok so, remove the situationship and you'll gain yourself back (more on this another time).

After the retreat and ending things with that someone, I was back in Melbourne with the same feelings.

The persistent thoughts of 'doing more' won and I ended up starting the business. I had invested a lot of time and money into it, was trying to find clients while balancing the work for existing ones. I had maybe four or five solid clients and a handful of random ad hoc ones, working across a range of industries. I thought it would be fine because fundamentally, I was good at the work and great with people.

Things were "going well." But really, everything felt like it was slowly beginning to unravel. I think somewhere in the depths of my heart, I knew the business wasn't for me either.

Then, I was offered a ticket to film content at an intimate retreat some friends were hosting. Since I'd been on a couple of wellness retreats before and absolutely loved them, 'this is a no brainer', I thought. Sign me up.

So, I went to film content. In the middle of one of the breathwork practices, I found myself having a full body experience. One that was essentially telling me 'you have not been placed on this earth to work in social media marketing.'

I realised what I had been experiencing was more than burnout. It was a total life-altering message.

Nothing I was doing externally was made for me.

No wonder I felt a bit lost. Ok, a lot lost.

I was trying to figure out what I actually felt internally, who I was and what I wanted to be. What I valued and how I truly wanted to spend my time in this one life.